Flying, Soar, Glide

Have you ever felt like the world was hold you down? Maybe you feel like someone is holding you back? I've had the feeling too. I feel it all the time, with every decision I make, and every time I speak with my parents.My life is in a constant confusion, and I have no idea what I am doing. I don't have a job, I can't go to college because I can't apply because I am broke, and I have pressures from all sides of the family to find a job and do things I don't want to do. Stress, that is what I have. Here's the thing that people don't know about us that they pressure. Sometimes it doesn't work. Sure, to make a diamon you have to apply pressure, but if you apply to much of the wrong pressure, all you end up with is dust. What are you going to do with dust. So here's to the kids who have pressure that isn't the kind they need. Here's to the teens that are lost and trying to find their way in the world like me. Here's to the kids who can't escape a nightmare. We will not let the world hold us down. We will not be held back. We will rise, and we will unite as one to be stronger than ever before. You can do whatever you want to do. Think you are overweight? Exercise. You can do it, I believe in you. Need better grades? Study, I believe in you and you will get an A.To those who have nightmares, I believe you can dream of cakes and ice creams. We are the new generation, and we will rise to fix the world those before us have destroyed. Be kind, stay peaceful, and dream. Keep hope my babies.

Death and A best friend

Growing up, you never really appreciate the things you have. It isn't until we lose those things that we ever truly wish we had spent more time with it. The same goes for family. We know we love them, and they help us when they can, but it's not until they leave us are we sad. I say this because this past week, my cousin died at the age of 43. He had been struggling for a few years now with health issues, and his body just wasn't strong enough. I didn't have many memories with him, me being only 19 and him an older person, but it tore through my family. It pained my uncle most, because to him my cousin was like another brother. My mother, who grew up along side of him, cried for hours. My grandmother, my nana, who helped raise that young man into an amazing adult, couldn't bare to see him in any way but alive.

What we don't realize is that death is not an end. Though their physical bodies are cold, their soul travels. No matter the religion, we all have our own ideas on what happens after death. So, why then do we cry when someone we love passes on?

Because they are no longer there to share physical life with us. They won't be there to drink that last drink, or dance at the club, or take a trip to some far off state. They are gone, and we feel that absence. 

Being at that funeral made me think, how would I feel if one of my best friends died. Then I began to think on who my true friends were. Who, in all of my life, have I chilled with and made a complete fool of myself, and was never bothered because they did the same thing too? 

They answer was simple. My best friend is the girl I've only known for 5 year. She is the girl who will answer my phone call and ask what I need, and will drop everything she is doing to see what happened. She is the girl who once barged into Krystals to demand her cheese be melted. then opened it and saw that it had melted while she was ranting. She is the girl who, when the world is against me, looks me right in the eyes and makes me a better person. She cheers me up, and she is the girl that no matter where in life I go, I will always keep her beside me. 

I met Morgan on March 5, 2010. We went to see the Alice in wonderland Movie that had just come out. Her first ever words to me, were Purple Pervert. I knew right then that I liked her. Shortly after we dated for a month before we both agreed to break it off. A few months later she began to date another friend of mine, and we would all hang out. It was then that me and her really set down and talked. We would talk for hours afterwards. 

Even to this day, after all that has gone wrong in our lives, and after all has gone right, we still keep in touch and talk. Sure we've expanded our friendships. we both have mutual friends, but we talk once a week. When the moment strikes us, we will skype for hours about nothing. 

So here is to the greatest friend on my side, and to a new life in the after life.

M.B.P 

Bullys and help

So, my day was going just fine. I had woke up and was watching the cooking channel when I got a phone call from my mom. A friend of mine had shot herself. She was rushed to a hospital, where she now sits unresponsive but stable. My mom said she would call if she got more information. She called back a few hours later with the information that my old friend was being cyberbullyed. Why do you have to be so mean and bully someone behind a computer? or a phone? Not only is Illegal in some places, but its all sorts of wrong. You are hiding, making fun on someone behind something, and I find you a coward. You are playing with peoples emotions. You are pushing people to their breaking points and you can't even face those people and say the same shit you said behind that mother fucking keyboard. Cowards, you are nothing more than cowards.



Now to those going through all sorts of major problems,

You will be okay. I have no doubt in my mind that you can not make it through whatever shit you are going through. All those people will fucking talk, they will walk all over you, they will kick you down and drag you through mud, but you can never ever let it get to you. I want you to stay strong and survive. If you feel the need to do something horrible to yourself, please call someone that you know will help you. If you are having family troubles, tell someone. Do not hold it in, because that will never help. You need to talk to someone. I know when I feel like my world is coming apart at the seams, I always call my best friends and they help me figure things out. It always helps.

Remeber, you decide who is your family, not your blood.

With love,
Mr. M

P.S: I am adding all the help hotlines.

Alcohol

National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc.
Helpline for finding treatment.
(800)-NCA-CALL or (800) 622-2255
[24 hours]

Al-Anon and AlaTeen
Help for people who have, or know someone who has, a drinking problem.
(800) 4AL-ANON or (800) 425-2666

Back to top

Domestic Violence

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Crisis intervention, information, and referrals.
(800) 799-SAFE or (800) 799-7233
[24 hours; English & Spanish]

Back to top

Drugs

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
Information on prevention and treatment referrals.
(800) 662-HELP or (800) 662-4357

Back to top

Eating Disorders

National Eating Disorders Association
Information on eating disorders and referrals for treatment.
(800) 931-2237
[Monday – Thursday, 9 a.m. – 9 p.m.; Friday 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.]

Back to top

Gay/Lesbian Issues

GLBT National Help Center
Peer-counseling, information, and local resources.
(888)-THE-GLNH or (888) 843-4564
[Monday – Friday, 1 p.m. – 9 p.m.]

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
Support, education, and advocacy with local chapters.

Back to top

Grief Support & Education

KARA
Compassionate support to those grieving or facing a life-threatening illness.
(650) 321-5272
[Monday – Thursday, 9 a.m. – 4 p.m.; Friday 9 a.m. – 1 p.m.]

Back to top

Obesity

National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion
Health information and resources.

Back to top

Pregnancy

Planned Parenthood
Counseling and referrals.
(800) 230-PLAN or (800) 230-7526

American Pregnancy Hotline
Information on pregnancy and options for teens.
(866) 942-6466

Back to top

Rape & Sexual Assault

Rape Abuse & Incest National Network
Provides free services and help, as well as referrals.
National Sexual Assault Hotline
(800) 656-HOPE or (800) 656-4673
[24 hours]

Back to top

Runaway

California Coalition for Youth
Crisis intervention to work through problems and find a plan of action.
California Youth Crisis Line
(800) 843-5200
[24 hours]

National Runaway Safeline
Crisis intervention to work through problems and find a plan of action.
(800)-RUNAWAY or (800) 786-2929
[24 hours]

Back to top

Self-Injury

S.A.F.E. Alternatives
Not a crisis line. Information about programs and referrals.
(800)-DONT-CUT or (800) 366-8288

Back to top

Sexuality & Relationships

Online chat for information.
Planned Parenthood Info for Teens

Counseling and referrals.
(800) 230-PLAN or (800) 230-7526

Back to top

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
Specialists provide health information about STDs.
(800)-CDC-INFO or (800) 232-4636
[English & Spanish]

Back to top

Smoking

California Smokers' Helpline
Free program to help people stop smoking.
(800)-NO-BUTTS or (800) 662-8887
[English & Spanish]

Back to top

Suicide

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Calls to the National Suicide Hotline are connected to the nearest crisis center in your area.
(800)-273-TALK or (800) 273-8255
[24 hours]

The Journey so far.

So, I was all set to attending college for the spring semester. I got my dorm keys and my student I.D, and have already moved into the dorm itself. I signed up for my classes, and attended them on my first week there. At the end of the week I decided that I'd like to go home and see my parents, so i packed my bags and headed home. During my stay, I was emailed that I would have to pay out the remaining balance on my college that my financial aid did not pay, or enroll in a payment plan. I owed a big chunk of change, and it was going to cost 1600 just to enroll in a payment plan. which is half of the remaining balance. What kind of payment plan is that? Half up front and half later? I'm only 19 and not a rich person, you can't have a payment plan for people like me? Monthly payments?? Seriously?? Anyway, I went to the bank to see about credit or a loan, which neither was granted to me due to being only 19 and never having credit before. So I made the decision that will forever affect my life for a long while. I dropped out of my classes and packed up my dorm and left. I moved back in with my parents and started looking for a job until i could get back on my feet. So far I have not had any luck with the job, and I am sleeping on the couch until i can get a bed, or hopefully get a job to get an apartment. I have no idea where I will go from here. As I am writing this, I am staying with my uncle and his fiance for a little while, just a mini vacation.

To add to all the odd and kinda sucky things that are happening to me, one of my best friends may be moving to Prattville because he MAY have gotten a job at Wal Mart. So not only is one of my best friends already down in Millbrook, an hour trip from where I live, but the other one MAY be leaving me to live away from me. So BOTH of my best friends will not be near me. I know I will live, its not all that heart breaking but I like having one friend close, close enough that I can go pick him up and we can drive off somewhere and just hang out.

However, I can't focus on that right now. I need to find a job and get my life in order. I need to get back in school, some school, and get an education. That is what I need to do. But why do I feel like I am not being pulled in that direction? Why do I feel like that is not what I am meant to do, but something I am forcing myself to do? I know that I need the college education. These are things I know. That is what I am sticking with.


Until Next Time,
Mr. M